Re: Virus warning from David Bradley

From: Barry Meyers-Rice (
Date: Sun Sep 05 1999 - 09:04:33 PDT

Date: Sun, 5 Sep 1999 09:04:33 -0700 (PDT)
From: Barry Meyers-Rice <>
Message-Id: <aabcdefg3148$foo@default>
Subject: Re: Virus warning from David Bradley

Hey folks,

David just sent out a message regarding an email virus. I was one of the
people on the list, as were you.

PLEASE NOTE: It is impossible to contract a virus by simply receiving
email. Your computer operating system, be it DOS, Winxx, Mac, Unix, etc.,
does not operate that way.

Only by opening an ATTACHMENT, such as an executable or even an attachment
which requires one of your applications/programs to run (such as a Word
Document), can a virus be contracted. I regularly find viruses on
documents I am sent, so this is a significant concern.

If you wish to learn more about virus hoaxes, go to the web site for any
major virus cleaning programs. I expect typing "virus hoax" into Yahoo
would work.

The original email virus hoax was called "Good Times". I attach a humorous
commentary on Good Times warnings for your enjoyment.



Dr. Barry A. Meyers-Rice
Carnivorous Plant Newsletter
Conservation Coeditor

Final warning about the "Good Times" virus


        Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but
it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It
will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice
cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit
cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.

        It will give your ex-girl/boyfriend your new phone number. It
will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and
leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming
over. It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit
pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.

        Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will
give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your
gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your
girl/boyfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to
your Discover card.

         It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she
is dead, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the
grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
        It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't
find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on
your boss's voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It
is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather
interesting shade of mauve.
        Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the
toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methanphedime in your bathtub
and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase
gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.
        Listen to me. Goodtimes does not exist.
        It cannot do anything to you. But I can. I am sending this
message to everyone in the world. Tell your friends, tell your
family. If anyone else sends me another E-mail about this fake
Goodtimes Virus, I will turn hating them into a religion. I will do
things to them that would make a horsehead in your bed look like
Easter Sunday brunch.
        Thank you for your time,

This Goodtimes vaccine was penned by Dan Dieterich (

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