Dixie Cup Capture!!!

From: Paul V. McCullough (pvmcull@voicenet.com)
Date: Sat May 08 1999 - 22:31:31 PDT

Date: Sun, 09 May 1999 01:31:31 -0400
From: "Paul V. McCullough" <pvmcull@voicenet.com>
To: cp@opus.hpl.hp.com
Message-Id: <aabcdefg1589$foo@default>
Subject: Dixie Cup Capture!!!

The following is satire based on truth...

In what's becoming an annual rite of spring, I've captured the first of
the 1999 spider crop in the house...

As faithful readers to this list know, my favorite hunting tool for the
common house spider (or "lotsalegulus creepicrawlulus housamundo") is
the common dixie cup. This year, Di and me are employing a remarkably
attractive dixie cup: multi floral patterns in purple and burgundy!

Anyway, as I was nodding off watching SNL, I heard the scream announcing
the hunt, "PAUL!!! Spider- Wall- Feed Plants- Hurry!!!". Somewhat
tersely (it was a good skit on SNL, believe it or not) I replied,
"Alright, wait a minute!". Ten minutes later, and after careful mental
preparation, I stalked up to the bedroom (and why are spiders always in
the bedroom right over the bed??? Don't tell me these little beasts
don't know any better!) finding a frightened Diane still clutching two
dixie cups as if her life depended on it.

"Here," she said- voice quivering, "you'll need two cups... he's big."
Trying to project an air of masculine confidence, I swallowed and said,
"um... h-how b-b-big???" "Real big!" was her nervous reply. I took the
cups and entered the master bedroom.

There it was... at least a half inch in diameter! I dropped one dixie
cup noting it's exact position on the floor in case of an emergency
failure of the cup I was using... then I slammed the other cup over the
spider. Now, normally at this point, I slip a piece of paper under the
cup thereby capping the prey in- but this little (and by little I mean
huge!) guy was feisty- he started throwing body blocks against the walls
of the cup!!!

I decided on the drop and stun method of apprehension- I dropped the
cup, waited for his escape, then stunned him with the other cup. Once
he was properly throttled, I used my forceps and took him to my
slavoring pet VFTs! As I opened the sliding panel in the klimagro-
wham- the spider wrenched open the forceps and he broke free!
(Actually, I dropped the forceps as my hands were pretty sweaty- but it
really adds the sense of danger to say he broke free, eh?) Re-employing
the dixie cup method, I restunned him and fed him to one of the new
flytraps (see pix of the plant on my CP page). It was no contest in the
end. Let the games begin!


Paul V. McCullough
Webpage: http://www.voicenet.com/~pvmcull

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