Date: Fri, 20 Jun 1997 00:06:43 -0400 From: "Paul V. McCullough" <pvmcull@voicenet.com> To: cp@opus.hpl.hp.com Message-Id: <aabcdefg2395$foo@default> Subject: VFT 2, Wife 1, Spider 0!!!
Okay, okay- after my diatribe a few CP-Digests ago, my wife decided
to prove me wrong. Here's how it goes: a few days ago, as I slept, my
wife encountered a rather sizable arachnid that was obviously plotting
to take control of our beloved bathtub! Diane decided to allow our
hungry pet downstairs override her typical spider loathing and she
snatched the diabolical fiend up in a dixie cup (See! Dixie cups CAN
protect you from almost any multi-legged intruder. It should be noted
that neither dixie cups nor any other sort of paper cup is very useful
against lions or tigers or bears... but then, we almost never have these
in our bathtub).
She quickly ran downstairs with the slavering beast, flung open
(well, slid carefully, actually) the glass door of the Klima-gro, and
sent the spider to its doom in the biggest, newest trap!!!
Unfortunately, I was still snoring away upstairs, and wasn't there to
scream, "No, not THAT trap- it just opened!" (To non-CPers, this
exclamation would seem the most unexpected thing someone should say at
this very moment, but we CPers know better. A newly opened trap isn't
usually quite ready to trap... it needs that perfect angle of about 45
degrees... this trap was at about 25 degrees. Very new...)
As the trap closed about as quickly as a typical yawn, the spider
(regaining its senses after a very rude awakening that morning) easily
climbed up and out of the trap, ready to face his mighty foe! For the
second time that morning, Diane overcame her fear (and a certain sense
of betrayal at the hands of the once trusted VFT... think of your dog
that attacks every guest in your home, but sleeps through the
burglary...) and chased the spider to the incredibly ready trap directly
below the first trap. Here, the spider miscalculated and opted for
diving (as spiders often do...) right into the gaping jaws (dead center
in fact!) of death and then...
Nothing- in a moment when it seemed that the spider would be
history, all time froze as the trap awaited a second signal... and the
spider (with his "spidey" senses in full operational mode) didn't move a
single leg. (This requires incredible control for a multilegged
monster!) This, finally, proved too much for my wife- she snatched a
pair of tweezers (thinking that another trap had failed her) and as the
spider's eight eyes watched in abject horror- she tickled that trigger
hair and the trap slammed shut! The VFT is enjoying the spider even as
I type.
Oddly enough, the next night another spider was running through the
kitchen (Isn't summer wonderful?), and Diane immediately screamed, "Kill
it! No- wait! Catch it!" She tossed two dixie cups to me and I hit
the floor (Bellyflopped...) and carefully (and without an issue of Time
or Newsweek handy) got the spider into the dixie cup. When I moved to
pour it into another ready trap, my nimble fingers quickly failed me,
and the trap got the dixie cup and I thought the spider, too. Alas, the
trap opened the next day, bereft of spider. It obviously fell into
hyperspace (as the more advanced spiders often do) awaiting another
chance to invade our home. Okay... so maybe it just got away. VFT 2,
Paul 1-0, Diane 1, Spiders 0-1.
Cheers,
Paul
Note... the story above is true. Only the names have been changed to
protect the innocent. Any similarity to persons, living or dead, is
purely coincidental.
-- Paul V. McCullough "3D Animation World" http://www.voicenet.com/~pvmcull "CP Page" http://www.voicenet.com/~pvmcull/pics/cp/carniv.htm
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