Punny Monk Story
This is a true story. Really. And soon to be a Kevin Costner movie...
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There was a small town in medieval Ireland which had a monastery near it.
The monks of this monastery were pretty rude and would deliberately grow large
crops of flowers that would blow foul smelling perfumes into the town whenever
the wind blew wrong, or would cause sinuses to run and eyes to close with
allergies, or would have some equally nasty effect on the townspeople with
every new batch. However, try as he might, the mayor could never convince the
monks to move elsewhere.
Finally, one day the monks outdid themselves and grew a man-eating flower.
The mayor knew that this was the limit and knew that he would have to take
drastic action to get rid of the monks and their man-eating flower.
While he was thinking, Hugh, the town alchemist, came up and said "mayor,
just give me a chance. I know that I can kill that flower and get rid of the
monks."
But, the mayor, perhaps thinking of the time that Hugh had administered a
strong laxative to the wrong patient, decided to put off the little alchemist
and called the town woodsman.
Armed with a large axe, the woodsman stomped up to the flower, but, just as
he swung back the axe, the flower suddenly bent down and gobbled him up.
So, the mayor went back to thinking and pacing. Once again, he was
approached by Hugh. "Please mayor" said Hugh. "I'm sure that I can do the
job."
But, the mayor, still suffering from a rash from the most recent of Hugh's
"cures" decided that the town guard would be the better man for the job.
The town guard, having seen what happened to the woodsman, drew his sword
and attempted to sneak up on the flower. But, just as the guard was about to
slide his sword into the flower, the flower snatched him up and ate him.
At this point, the mayor was completely beside himself. The flower had won.
The monks had won. Perhaps the townspeople would all have to move away. But,
Hugh, not to be daunted in his beliefs, approached the mayor. "Mayor. I just
KNOW that I can take care of this flower and get rid of these monks."
The mayor, not knowing what else to do, sighed in exasperation "all right,
Hugh. See what you can do."
Hugh went back to his shop. He mixed chemicals. He chanted chants.
Finally, he was ready. In the dawn light, he walked boldly up to the flower,
and, just as it was about to gobble him up, Hugh threw his mixture on the
man-eating flower, all the monks' flower beds, and into the monks' well.
Instantly, the man-eating plant shriveled to a dead stalk, and all the rest
of the noxious flowers wilted away. The monks contracted debilitating rashes
and moved away to warmer, drier climates. The townspeople cheered Hugh for
his great work and raised a statue to him in the town square.
...
The moral of this story is, of course, that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent
florist friars.
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